Post 5: Definition of Heartbreak

Heart-break (hahrt-breyk)
There are many different understandings for the word heartbreak. Generally, it is defined as the feeling of grief or sorrow after losing a loved one through death, divorce, breakup, or romantic rejection.
In this case, heartbreak will be defined as a state of depression and darkness. It will be shown as a very specific type of pain that only a few people are able to fully understand and comprehend. In this case, the term heartbreak is not an uplifting feeling. It is not a feeling of happiness, joy, or excitement. Nor is it laughter, blissfulness, and fullness. It is the feeling of loss, darkness, and separation from yourself and the world. To define heartbreak, you have to experience it yourself. 

Definition of heartbreak (a cold, dark heartbreak)

Heartbreak is a broken heart. It causes a person to be sightless, motionless, and speechless. Heartbreak is being entwined in emotions of separation with the real world and yourself. It is indescribable. All you can feel are ghosts. Pain of sorrow and chills of loss poison your spinning mind. You can’t think, can’t speak; you are at a loss of words. Lips trembling, heart aching, you can only feel the disturbed pleasure of all the memories that once were there but are now vanished. All you can do is lay in bed with an empty and paralyzed mind. So desperately having that want to see the one you love and will always love, but knowing you can’t see them causes your brain to feel like nothing. The one you love broke your heart and there is nothing you can do about it. You are completely incapable and paralyzed of all things.

But this heartbreak is not because of cheating, death, or abusing; it is caused by being separated from the one you love. Not because it was your decision, but because it was theirs. Not knowing why your loved one left you causes you to be in a mind set of desperation. All you want is for the one you love to come back. But they won’t. Wanting them, feeling them, hearing them; knowing that they will never return causes fires of insecurities to burn inside your soul. Not aching, not stinging, not beating but burning, you wait with impatience for the sign that they still love you. The signals that show a sign of having your loved one back in your arms are no where to be found. You are at the edge, just waiting for an answer. Dissatisfaction causes corruption within you.

Heartbreak causes you to see only darkness in all things. This causes your imagination to become thinner and thinner. Reality hits you like nothing ever before and all feelings that you have experienced are completely erased because your mind fills with sadness and depressing thoughts. You are cold, shivering; feeling like nothing is there to make you warm because there is no blood flow from your broken heart. Warmth is no where to be found because the only heat that you can recall and feel is from the one you love.  

Heartbreak only allows you to feel weak and ugly. Daring yourself, you look in the mirror and immediately begin to see wounds spreading like ever lasting cancer over your destroyed spirit and your destroyed heart. An image of that broken heart comes to life. Still looking in the mirror, you realize that the thought of encountering this remorseful feeling has always been thought of as impossible, unreasonable, and non-existing. You look in the mirror again and you start to see your heart bleeding, your chest filling, and your skin starting to wither. Crouching down and curling into your own arms is the only thing you can do to stop your heart from bleeding for just a moment. Squeezing tighter and tighter does absolutely nothing. Sitting there convincing yourself that you are nothing with out the one you love is all you can do, think, feel, hear, and see. You start convincing yourself that everything is of your fault. Ugliness, disgust, hate, sadness, and fear start to corrupt your brain and soul; “it is your entire fault”.
 
Tears drain as each emotion seeps through your shivering skin. Your legs tremble, your arms ache, and nothing starts’ to matter. Over and over again you collapse helplessly and hopelessly to the ground because your body is too weak to stand. Over and over again you try to scream but nothing sounds; like you are in a dream, incapable and paralyzed. A stomach full of flutters, your muscles hide from strength, you try to rest but holes start to form in your heart. These are just more reasons not having the strength to keep moving; moving forward. Although the time keeps ticking, you are still here feeling like a ghost inside; cold and empty. All you want to do is run away from the feeling of heartbreak but you can’t because wherever you go, it follows you, your past, present, and your future. Not being able to run, you in turn sit down because that is all you are capable of doing. Sitting, hoping, praying, wishing and waiting that your better-half will return is psychotic to think about because you know that they will never come back. Knowing that they won’t ever return paralyzes you more times than your mind, body, and soul could ever possibly handle. You begin to go crazy.  
Heartbreak is like a lump in the throat. Constantly filling with overwhelming sadness causes you to freeze. You are frozen within your thoughts and can’t move. With these never ending thoughts, your body becomes exhausted and once again, paralyzed. Not knowing how to make the constant negative flow of thoughts is just another character to add to your spinning mind. Heartbreak takes all the energy you have and turns it into nothing. Clouds of sorrow, hate, rage, malevolence, anger, and time wither over you, portraying itself as a poisoned prayer. Everything else in the moments of heartbreak means nothing to you. All you can do is breathe, nothing else.

To conclude...
This type of heartbreak can be paralyzing in all aspects of a persons life. By extending the simple definition of heartbreak, others can see that there are different kinds of heartbreak.

By defining heartbreak as something depressing can lead to the assumption that it is a long road to fully recovering back to happiness. Once this type of heartbreak is felt, it is hard to forget. Heartbreak can have many negative affects on a person, specifically in relationships. Mistrust, fear to love, and having no desire to seek love are only a few feelings that occur on the road to recovery.

In some cases, heartbreak can be for the better. It teaches a person what to expect in life by preparing them for the next heartbreak if they ever come across heartbreak again. It can also teach a person what they want in life and what they don’t want in life. For example, the type of person someone wants to date.
This is my definition of heartbreak. Heartbreak has shown me how strong of a person I have become when it comes to love, relationships, and choosing who I want in my life. My experience of heartbreak is a part of why I am the way I am today.